How You Know Something is Wrong

Alright, so Deception Part 2 never happened...probably for the better at that point. I was very angry and, righteous or not, I would have said some things that I would have regretted.

It also seems that finals and holidays sucked up my December postings. But, I find myself with some time to share tonight, so share I will.

The title of this post may seem strange, but there have been a few things over the last two weeks that, after reflecting no them, I realized that something is wrong.

First is praying before meals. Sal and I usually trade off in praying before dinner together, and about two weeks ago, as Sal asked me to pray, I remember feeling squeemish and saying no, that he should do it. I did it anyway, but that can now be recognized as a cue that something was wrong.

Second, I'm sad to say, was Christmas. This year was the first year I have missed Christmas with my family, and spent Christmas with the Cieri's. A very different, but equally as enjoyable, experience. My mind the week of Christmas was so focused on not being with my family. Complaining to Sal, even emailed pictures of the day made me really sad. Another cue that something was wrong.

Third has been a constant cue over the past few weeks, that I can now identify as selfishness. About gifts, celebrations, or even just attention. I found myself being jealous and saying things I wouldn't normally say to draw attention to myself. It makes me feel dirty just thinking about it.

(Side note: Perhaps this should be a journal entry more than a blog post, but I as a proponent of honesty and openness, hopefully someone can benefit from me sharing this.)

So I've gotten some clues over the past few weeks that something has been wrong. My focus has been out of wack, and as a result I am in a much less happy and less stable place. Things with Sal and I are good, things with me and my family are good, things at work and school are fine. So, I've traced it back to my relationship with God, or what is left of it. It seems finals and the holiday season has distracted me from more than blog posts.

And so, I find myself lost and wondering who exactly this God is I serve and why I should make the effort to serve Him. Good news? Every time I question Him, He reminds me (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdfKTTeGj2U). Reminds me how Good and Gracious and Forgiving and a thousand other good and wonderful things He is. And so I find myself brought to my knees in humility and shame and gratitude all at once. Oh, the graciousness of our God. It reminds me of the account of Isaiah seeing God in the temple in Isaiah 6. He isn't doesn't comment on the holiness of God or the glory of God, instead he throws himself on the ground, shouting “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.” (6:5) An instant reminder of our imperfection in the light of God's perfection.

Also in Isaiah's statement he makes reference to living among a people of unclean lips. I have felt the same way in this revelation. How crappy our society has become. Even in light of the generosity of Christmas, I am overwhelmed with the backwardness of things. I feel overwhelmed by the mess that Christmas has become, not to mention the rest of the year...*sigh* I hope my current state of "starry-eyed social worker" will persist through this defeated feeling.

So I guess I share this to say, keep your eyes open for some warning signs that you have jumped the track on your relationship with God. We will see the change this new year brings. God and I have some catching up to do.

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18 

Deception - Part 1

Over the past few weeks I have encountered more and more deception and distortion of the Word of God than I can handle. Mainly from the Westboro Baptist Church, or godhatesfags.com who are spreading a message of God's hatred...a very non-Biblical perspective. They recently rallied in Michigan where my brother-in-law lives and held a picket rally in front of a high school. The language they used made me sick. This quote is from an article about the picket, since the notice on their website has since been taken down since the date passed. I did verify at the time that it was a direct quote from their site:

“WBC to picket the worthless brats who attend East Lansing High School, as well as their teachers and parents who have taught them from the cradle that God is a liar. You reprobates will hear some truth for the first time in your lives, to wit: God does NOT love everyone and it IS NOT okay to be gay or to fornicate with anyone or thing you please. Instead, you are to flee youthful lusts that war against your soul and seek to live sober, righteous and godly while on this earth.”

Are you kidding me? Even from the most basic verse of the gospel message proves this perspective twisted and out of line. My husband put it best when responding to a friend of ours about the topic:

"For God so loved *the world* that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16.
Contrary to what those people at WBC seem to think, that does not say 'for God so loved the heterosexuals...' The world includes everybody, every single person regardless of their sins.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
~Romans 5:8

I can't imagine what happened to make these people think that their message is the truth. Though it is said that "He (Satan) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." - John 8:44

Though I know it is not a popular belief and may be offensive to some, I do believe that homosexuality is a sin. But I believe that homosexuality is a sin just like when I lie or when I am angry with someone or anything like that...Homosexuality isn't the only sin or the worst sin and yes, heterosexual people also commit sins, and even sexual ones. But to convey a message that God hates anyone besides Satan is wrong according to every word of the New Testament. (Arguably, once Jesus came things changed a lot. Gentiles were included! Woot!)

It's like they are taking the role of Jesus as the Judge over all. They speak as if they know people's hearts, or even God's heart.

For those who have been hurt by interactions with Christians before, and for all those who have been presented with a distortion of God's truth, for what it's worth I am sorry. I am truly sorry for the way some people choose to convey the word of God. I do not presume to have a better understanding or a more thorough knowledge than any other, but the Word of God is clear on many counts, including the one addressed in this post. So for what it's worth, I'm sorry.


One of our ideas while I was in a college ministry was to set up a confession booth where we would invite students in and apologize for all of the wrongs the church has caused throughout history. I think we need that now more than ever.

So basically, I have been really disheartened by the distortions of the truth that I have been hearing. I have another one to talk about as well, but not enough time at the moment to do it. Part 2 still to come. 

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18

Happiness

Well, I find myself in astate of complete happiness tonight.

I am struggling to try and pinpoint it. Maybe it is my current circumstances. I am sitting here doing schoolwork (usually something that doesn't make me happy! hehe.) listening to our wedding soundtrack with God-glorifying worship songs, sipping hot chocolate, and having just spent a wonderful afternoon with friends and watching a football game (the Bills actually won!). And I am feeling thoroughly loved by my husband, who is sitting behind me enjoying a video game at his computer. Maybe it is the glimpse of Thanksgiving, and thus the start of the holiday season, on the horizon. Even thinking of the word thankful makes me tear up. These past few years my mom has requested that I say the thanksgiving prayer (as probably the only active Christian in our family). In thinking about what I will say, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the past year. Two weddings, adding two new members of our family and another squirming, screaming, cute-as-ever 6-month old as been added too. The growth of our family has been so wonderful. Just thinking of the flux Sal and I were in this summer with moving and back surgery and school and working and our wedding...it's so wonderful to see how everything has settled.

And my relationship with God has been growing exponentially over the last few months. I have been spending more and more time reading the Bible and thus feel more and more filled with the Holy Spirit. My Monday night Bible Study has been amazing. Learning more about who I am in Christ and the promise of who He is and what He has done, is doing and will do...I'm more and more amazed with the God I serve.

Perhaps it is all of these factors combining into one. I feel very blessed and very thankful for the life I am living right now. Thanksgiving should be a cinch ;-). I have a feeling God is going to bring me to my knees in an overwhelming sense of thankfulness which tends to nurture a true spirit of humility, as I hope to experience in the coming days.

I'm excited to see what He has in store. For now, I am going to take a break from school work and settle down onto the couch with the man of my dreams to watch a movie on this chilly Sunday night. I am content.

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18 

Well, I Never Thought of it That Way...

Well, I'm convicted. Here I am blurting out the musings of my mind without putting two thoughts together. At Bible Study tonight we talked about spiritual gifts, one of which is teaching. The speaker talked a little about how we live in an age of instant publishing, that we can go on the internet and type whatever we want. We don't have editors or a filter for what we are writing. And through teaching, we can lead many astray from our human mistakes and understanding.

While in most cases I think that sharing not-totally-formed ideas is okay, I am claiming to be a Christian here, and under that label I need to be conscious of what I am writing and essentially "teaching" through this blog. No, this doesn't mean I will stop writing. And no, my thoughts don't necessarily have to be well formulated to make it onto my blog. I just need to check myself and make sure that what I'm sharing, as a Christian, lines up with God's truths. I don't want to be sending anyone in the wrong direction, nor do I want to help people build up that stone wall they have set up against Christianity, either.

Just got a little nudge from God today I thought I would share. More blogging to come!


- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18

Love is Different Than You Think

 "'Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Love is different than you think." - Caedmon's Call

Changing gears a little here. From politics, to church. (sorry to all those who read that sentence and cringe...we should talk ;-))


After church today my husband went to talk to the lead pastor with a quick question. While he was talking, the lead pastor leaned over and tapped me with his foot, as if he was saying hello without interrupting the person talking to him. That started the gears turning in my brain for a while, thinking about what that gesture meant. I could identify it as a gesture of affection. He wasn't flirting, he wasn't kicking me to get me out of the way, it was an affectionate way of saying hi. (We are brother and sister, after all!)

But it got me thinking to the concept of love in our society and how tangled it is. To draw a quick parallel, I often cringe at the label of a "Christian" within our society and how twisted it is. People think of Christians as picketers and crazy screaming people on street corners talking about the end of the world. Some people think of themselves as Christians because they grew up going to church, but they don't even believe in a God and even if they do, they don't believe in Jesus...which I would argue is the main tenant of Christianity. So on that end of the spectrum, it's turning into more of a cultural term than a religious one. But that's another topic for another day. I simply feel that love is in that same state of entanglement.

In the Greek there are different words for different types of love. "Philia" for brotherly love, "Agape" for true, unconditional love, and "Eros" for passionate love, just to name a few. I wish our language had such a distinction. As an aspiring social worker, I find so many who have a distorted view of the concept, and even in the example I gave, I could have easily read into that gesture as something more if I used this conglomerate idea of love and affection. Many think love is simply a physical attraction or signs of affection or a feeling. Love can include those things, but I guess my argument is that there are different types of love for different relationships in our life.

Identifying these distinctions of love is important. The fact that I can hug a male friend and it isn't a threat to my relationship with my husband because there is a different kind of love there. It has huge implications for society as a whole in terms of expressing affection and relating to people in a more beneficial way. While there may be some overlap in actions shown to different people we love (e.x. hugging a friend vs. hugging my mom vs. hugging my husband) there are clear boundaries and intentions to those actions depending on the relationship. So to distinguish the type of love I have for my family from the type of love I have for my best friend is an important step in rectifying the problem of the ambiguous love. For kind of a crude example, a guy who gets "booty calls" from a girl can distinguish that as "erotic love" since that is the extent of their relationship and he would know that this isn't "romantic love" which speaks to the love between a husband and wife. Identifying those differences and the boundaries that should be set on the expression of love within specific relationships will help people to better identify the place for certain types of affection and certain feelings of love.

As far as this "general love", not signs of affection or boundaries to relationships or anything that I've been ranting about, I think that love could be considered a basic human right. Not like our right to vote or free speech, but like the rights outlined in the Universal Declaration of Rights from the UN: a person has the right to own property, the right to freedom of thought, etc. I think that this "general love" is a basic human right. 1 Corinthians 13 describes this all-encompassing love. Though it is usually only heard during wedding ceremonies (including my own),  I think it has much, much, much broader implications.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

I can't imagine what the world would be like if we all treated people this way. It would be close to perfect, I would imagine. I feel like everyone has the right to be treated this way, with patience and kindness and humility. Easier said than done, yes, but in my mind it is worth the effort.

Alright, I'm done with my love rant. Not as coherent as I was expecting, but I hope you catch my drift. If you are looking for the true argument builder, you should talk to my husband ;-).

Goodnight.

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18

Update or Politics?

Well, I suppose I should be updating this more frequently, now that there have been a grand total of 33 views of this webpage ;-)

I suppose my struggle has been this past election cycle that is keeping my political brain spinning. All I have to say about it is Rock on, Obama. And thank you for saying exactly what I, and I hope many Americans have been thinking for the past two years: "Our future depends on putting politics aside to solve problems, to worry about the next generation instead of the next election. We can't spend the next two years mired in gridlock. Other countries like China aren't standing still, so we can't stand still either. We have to move forward." (http://articles.cnn.com/2010-11-05/politics/obama.economy_1_job-numbers-global-economy-jobs-report?_s=PM:POLITICS)

American families are dependent on the government to stop drawing party lines and raising single party issues to the forefront. Now is not the time to fight for abortion rights or gay marriage or even health care, in my opinion. (Though there will be a time for those issues, too.) The economy and unemployment need to be addressed, and they need to be addressed now. I am praying that the Republicans will forget this "the American people elected us because we best represent their views of how this country should be run" crap and simply accept their place in our national government as another member fighting for the good of the American people, even is that means the forbidden word...COMPROMISE. I hope they aren't going to ride this wave until the next election, halting Congress once again so they can get a Republican as president. Grr. Who designed this system, anyway? I should have voted for the "My rent is too damn high" guy...

Geesh. I'm getting warm just thinking about the idea of unity and bipartisan cooperation for the next two years...I'm praying...

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18 

Values vs. Values?

As a sentient human being, you are faced with experiences throughout your life that constantly shape your values and your beliefs about the world. As a social worker, we are presented with a list of core values of the profession. In my current program, we are told to put aside our own personal values for the sake of our clients. Is that even possible?

I'll use a recent example, and hope none of my more liberal friends kill me. I recently watched a presentation on working with LGBT adolescents (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgendered for those unfamiliar with the lingo). It was expressed that "coming out" is a very difficult experience for someone, especially within today's culture. That evidence is not hard to find. Just look at the recent news stories of homosexual adolescents committing suicide. But what happens when, as a social worker, you believe that homosexuality is a sin?

This decision is easier when looking at Substance Abuse Counseling. Society sees substance abuse, even alcoholism, as a problem. My belief that drunkenness is a sin coincides with this view, so there is no dilemma. In our changing society, homosexuality is increasing in acceptance as an option. My beliefs, however, do not coincide with this.

Obviously I believe that all humans have dignity and worth, a core value of social work. As a practicing Christian, I believe that God loves everyone regardless of what sins they have committed, are currently committing, or will commit in the future. And I see homosexuality as a sin just like lying or drunkenness or murder. They are all sin. I also believe in an individual's right to self-determination. (In my opinion, this is the Christian concept of free-will, and God made choice for a reason...and that topic is for another day). But I cannot encourage homosexuality as a valid choice. While many times there are other issues that can be addressed, such as communication and money problems, that are usually present in all intimate, long-term relationships, I cannot encourage the choice of homosexuality for my client. I therefore must conclude that if someone came to see me to talk solely about their homosexual relationship, in order to provide the best services for a client, I would refer them to someone else.

The next question is what happens if I am seeing a client to work on budgeting skills or something unrelated, and they bring up that they are questioning their sexuality in session. After having built this relationship with them, can I rightly refer them out? Or can that lead to the trauma of not being accepted by someone trusted and open and thus disintegrates our professional relationship? I'm still at a loss.

And yes, I feel a little close-minded. But the Bible is clear on this issue, and I think it is crazy to take one part of the Bible as true and one part as untrue. Therefore, since the Bible is proven to me to be a true, historically accurate and divinely inspired book, I must follow it. Difficult in the current climate, especially in a VERY liberal program, but I will follow Christ and His teachings. (Also an example of free will!)

For now, I have yet to deal with this issue in practice. However, I am sure there will be other dilemmas from a conflict of my personal values and the values I hold to as a social worker, and I am still at a loss as to how this will play out in practice. We shall see. One thing I do know: God comes first. Before my values, before social work values, before societal values. God trumps them all. So I will follow Him.

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18

The First Post of Many?

We'll see what this site turns into. I have many things on my mind, and I'm looking for a place to get them out. I'm not sure whether this blog with be political, spiritual, or simply full of ways I can see to better this world. We'll see what I'll end up typing.

But no matter what appears on this blog, I hope someday to find a better way to voice my opinions. I'm hoping this blog does not become a pacifier for my ideas and motivations, but rather an open arena to fine tune the ideas that I will then find a way to share with my community.

Given that, we'll see how this goes. Thanks for reading.

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD." Isaiah 1:17-18