Love is Different Than You Think

 "'Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Love is different than you think." - Caedmon's Call

Changing gears a little here. From politics, to church. (sorry to all those who read that sentence and cringe...we should talk ;-))


After church today my husband went to talk to the lead pastor with a quick question. While he was talking, the lead pastor leaned over and tapped me with his foot, as if he was saying hello without interrupting the person talking to him. That started the gears turning in my brain for a while, thinking about what that gesture meant. I could identify it as a gesture of affection. He wasn't flirting, he wasn't kicking me to get me out of the way, it was an affectionate way of saying hi. (We are brother and sister, after all!)

But it got me thinking to the concept of love in our society and how tangled it is. To draw a quick parallel, I often cringe at the label of a "Christian" within our society and how twisted it is. People think of Christians as picketers and crazy screaming people on street corners talking about the end of the world. Some people think of themselves as Christians because they grew up going to church, but they don't even believe in a God and even if they do, they don't believe in Jesus...which I would argue is the main tenant of Christianity. So on that end of the spectrum, it's turning into more of a cultural term than a religious one. But that's another topic for another day. I simply feel that love is in that same state of entanglement.

In the Greek there are different words for different types of love. "Philia" for brotherly love, "Agape" for true, unconditional love, and "Eros" for passionate love, just to name a few. I wish our language had such a distinction. As an aspiring social worker, I find so many who have a distorted view of the concept, and even in the example I gave, I could have easily read into that gesture as something more if I used this conglomerate idea of love and affection. Many think love is simply a physical attraction or signs of affection or a feeling. Love can include those things, but I guess my argument is that there are different types of love for different relationships in our life.

Identifying these distinctions of love is important. The fact that I can hug a male friend and it isn't a threat to my relationship with my husband because there is a different kind of love there. It has huge implications for society as a whole in terms of expressing affection and relating to people in a more beneficial way. While there may be some overlap in actions shown to different people we love (e.x. hugging a friend vs. hugging my mom vs. hugging my husband) there are clear boundaries and intentions to those actions depending on the relationship. So to distinguish the type of love I have for my family from the type of love I have for my best friend is an important step in rectifying the problem of the ambiguous love. For kind of a crude example, a guy who gets "booty calls" from a girl can distinguish that as "erotic love" since that is the extent of their relationship and he would know that this isn't "romantic love" which speaks to the love between a husband and wife. Identifying those differences and the boundaries that should be set on the expression of love within specific relationships will help people to better identify the place for certain types of affection and certain feelings of love.

As far as this "general love", not signs of affection or boundaries to relationships or anything that I've been ranting about, I think that love could be considered a basic human right. Not like our right to vote or free speech, but like the rights outlined in the Universal Declaration of Rights from the UN: a person has the right to own property, the right to freedom of thought, etc. I think that this "general love" is a basic human right. 1 Corinthians 13 describes this all-encompassing love. Though it is usually only heard during wedding ceremonies (including my own),  I think it has much, much, much broader implications.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

I can't imagine what the world would be like if we all treated people this way. It would be close to perfect, I would imagine. I feel like everyone has the right to be treated this way, with patience and kindness and humility. Easier said than done, yes, but in my mind it is worth the effort.

Alright, I'm done with my love rant. Not as coherent as I was expecting, but I hope you catch my drift. If you are looking for the true argument builder, you should talk to my husband ;-).

Goodnight.

- Erica

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD" Isaiah 1:17-18